Fahrvergnügen

Before my husband was my husband, and he was just a teenaged boy, he had a Volkswagen. My dad would come into the house and say, "Silas is on his way". Several minutes later, the boy Silas would pull into my parents driveway, my dad having heard the buzz of the engine a mile in the distance.
Flash forward 20 years and we still we have old VW's. Last week we had two old VW's, and this week, we are down to just one, green Passat (which is older than some of you, and still gets 45 mpg! Don't be jealous).
I'm logging the sale of our 1980 VW Westfalia Campmobile because it was something we owned, a real-estate of sorts. When we were not paying our mortgage, we would joke that if we had to move, we all could live in The Van. We could have lived in the van, and in our early 20's one summer we did live in another version. One reason ideas are humorous is that they are partly true and ironic. I think in the back of my mind, the very creative part, that if we were homeless, we could live in a van down by the river. It was never plausible, or probable, but I thought it.
Selling our bus, is another way of letting go of the stuff we have acquired. I was surprised when my husband said he wanted to sell it. He loves it!
Last week, armed with a "For Sale" sign, our blue bus sat in front of one of the two super markets by our house. It was a new spot, and only hours after we parked it, there was a yellow ticket in the window. I also saw some actual hippies with packs sitting next to the bus on the curb. They were calling the number on the van, as I drove by fuming over the ticket. They called to say that there was a warning slip on the van, and that it was going to be towed. (It turns out it was parked legally, but the note said it was tagged for "storing personal property in the street". This is police for, "I can give you a ticket for anything")
The hippie, whose name was Amber, turned out to be interested in buying it while talking to Silas, who is by nature enthusiastic. Amber is also enthusiastic and spontaneous by nature as well as tired of hitch hiking in the rain. She also was flush with cash.
She drove around a bit, and like I said, was very enthusiastic. She offered to buy the van. If someone has cash from working a job that hippies work, it turns out they are pretty easy-going about price.
They loaded their things into the van, we unloaded our things. We enthusiastically chatted, signed the deed, and exchanged the huge wad of cash. Staying true to her nature, she kissed and hugged us all, and as she pulled out of the driveway told us she was going to name the van after our daughter. Our girl's name is also a good name for a van, or a dog, or a troupe of boys, so it was enthusiastically sweet.
I am becoming accustomed to letting things go. I might have been less enthusiastic about the van than my husband, or than Amber, but it still had a place in my heart, and I still have that, even though the physical auto is carrying weed toting former hitch hikers. I'm reminded that there is joy in owning things, be it a house or a car. There is some joy in working hard on or for something, only to have the memory of the hard work, the experience, and the people associated with it.

It is nearly like when you drive a VW, you are supposed to have enjoyment, just driving it. This is true. When I drive a VW, I feel enjoyment, even if I am driving to the DMV.

I'm Part of the Problem

Second Marriage

I have been married all of my adult life (if you count 19 as adult, which I did then, but don't now), to the same person.  Being married is nearly the best and most transformative thing I've been a part of.  My husband gently helps me be the person I can be, often without meaning to.  Even though I am not perfect, he still thinks I am beautiful.  He loves me for who I am.

Relationships are transformative, and our relationship with our things isn't exempt from changing us, especially something as big and expensive as a house.

I know mostly everyone is married or committed.  Now that I have been married 14 years, some people have moved from their first significant relationship onto the next one, if the first wasn't what it should have been.

In an interesting conversation with my aforementioned spouse, I was surprised by how non-committal I am about buying a house again.  If I buy another house, I know what I want.  More-so, I know what I don't want.  Much like what I hear people saying, when a committed relationship ends.  I know what I don't want, or, I don't know if I'll ever be married again.

I know that relationships are more meaningful and impressive than real estate, but they are comparable because we have to commit to them in a significant way.  If my experiences with real estate were as positive as my experiences in love have been, I might sit on my back patio talking about how I never want to move.  Instead is sit listing what I don't want in my next house.

The underlying principle here is commitment.  My commitment to a house has potential to transform me, for better or for worse.  I have to have faith that my next house won't be like the first 2.  If the perfect house comes along, I might entertain the the possibility of buying it.  Maybe we might just move in together at first.  Now I am in credit purgatory, so it doesn't matter for a while, so I am free to think and feel anyway I want about my next relationship house.

Housing Irony

     Our first house in Sparks, Nevada is again for sale.  We purchased it in 2003 after moving from Ohio.  We purchased it in the $200's and sold it just as the market was peaking/crashing at the end of 2005 in the $300's.  Now it is for sale in the $100's, seven years later.  We used the money we got from the sale of the house in 2005 as a down for the house we just sold short in 2010.

     Look at that house!  It is pretty nifty! I especially like  the color, mostly because I painted it that color (with the help of some of you reading this). I'll admit that I did not like living in Sparks.  Maybe it was the location, maybe it was just a personally rough patch for me, maybe it was this house, or maybe it was because I wanted to be somewhere else.  

     Every few months I look at the real estate in Sparks to see if 'our house' goes back on the market.  Yesterday, I found it.  It has been for sale for a month.  The man who bought it from us was not kind to us, and it was a terrible experience selling and moving out, but we were glad to go.  Knowing how much he paid us for it, and that it is for sale for now, I feel like it is Karma.  I try that feeling on for about 2 seconds and then take it off.  I should feel sad for him, and that it might be adding to his crabby-ness, and I do feel sad.  I actually feel fortunate.  Seeing this house for sale again, makes me disinterested in owning a home.  A useful way to work through painful stuff is to look at it in a new way.  I've re-capture events and details with a new point of view.  Finding this house for sale, reclaimed my memory for the better.

The kids throw laundry down the stairs, instead of going to bed.
 Look how clever they are!

     I keep thinking that I won't contribute to this blog anymore, because our adventure with the real-estate market is seemingly over.  Though it may be over, I'm still figuring it all out.  Looking at the numbers, and looking back, farther than just our last house, we have lost nothing.  Yes, we have had to say goodbye to much, but lost something?  No!  Not really even money, which is the most superficial part of this whole situation.  I still remember nursing my baby in that house, the tomatoes and roses in the garden, snow in the yard, breakfast with my sister, my boy's first day of kindergarden, and killer desert rainbows!  Aren't we always saying goodbye to something, and adjusting to something new, or shouldn't we be?

     Today I am thankful to be where I am.  If proximity matters, then I am happy here.  If the proximity of my heart matters, then I am even more happy to be where I am.

Rock & Wood

I skim read the local paper everyday online.  Today, I read an article about this continuing trend.  Really?  Real estate prices drop 13%?  Is this good news for my family and me?

It has been 8 weeks since we moved into our new digs.  It has been 2 months of a seriously rich summer.  We've had hours of time to process our experience and what lessons we can honestly carry away with us.  Our hearts have grown in spite of what we own.  As it turns out,  I am ambivalent about housing prices as I read The Union this morning.

My friend Petra gave me this little house with a family in it.  Again, the lesson washed over me. Just the idea that a friend could pass a small piece of pained wood to me, and know me so fully, made me feel home.  It made her real estate in my heart go up just about 13%.

Loaves and Fish

We are made up of many parts. Body, mind and spirit. I realize that much of what I have been blogging about here is spirit. There is the physical dwelling (body) that we need to make sound choices about (mind) and what really is important in the long-run for our journey (spirit). I'm a spiritual person. I know my take on controversial subjects such as politics, money and religion are different than yours, and that is okay with me. If it isn't okay with you, then you won't like my post. I'm giving you an out here........

Moving on.

Not paying my mortgage for 3 months, and selling our house short has been nothing, if it hasn't been a spiritual experience. I have learned who I am, and what is important to me, and how tightly I hold to ideas which are not sacred, but seem safe. I have learned the true meaning of integrity. Things are seldom what they seem, and I have no authority to make a call one way or another when something is not my concern. You live well, and I'll do my best too. I can only speak for me, which is why I'm going to talk about a story from the life of Jesus in my blog about real estate.

There is a time in the life of Christ where He was talking to many many people for a long long time. Everyone was hungry and all of them were far from a place to get something to eat. Those close to Jesus asked to let everyone be dismissed to get dinner. In typical Jesus fashion, he gave a cryptic command. He said to them, 'you feed them'. The disciples pushed back, and asked how they were to feed 5,000 people without food or money (good question). He told them to go and see how much food everyone had if they combined all the food. They found 5 loaves of bread and 2 fish. Jesus gave thanks for the food, and served 5,000 people with that small amount. All the people were full, well fed, and there was food left over.

Flash forward to 2 Fridays ago. My house is packed in boxes. The only things I have, my body, mind and spirit, are tired and weak. I look around and feel alone. Maybe not physically alone, but even so, my kids are at school, my husband is at work, and I'm packing and cleaning from dusk 'till dawn. My mind tells me some bad things:
I am alone (I am tired and not thinking clearly. Clearly I am not alone.) Who has willingly done something so stupid, as to practically give the only possession we have of potential worth to a mega-institution so they can make money on it? I'm asking myself this because I hate moving, and organizing all my stuff, and because I'm tired. If I sit down too long, then it won't EVER get done. I'm going mad a bit. Where are my socks, where are the keys to the mail box, what box to the thumb-tacks go in, where is my cat and have I fed him?
As you could imagine, my spirits were low.

At 3 p.m., what seems to me a miracle of Biblical proportions occurred . My friends and family descended, without call, on my house. In 4 hours, nearly every piece of furniture and all the boxes were at our new house. The next day by 2p.m. my whole house was moved, and nearly unpacked in the new house. I was participating, but in a fog. My mind was cloudy with proximity of possessions, and fumes from cleaning solution. I mopped my self out of every room of that old place, and got sniffling into the car and came home to a new place. 15 people hauling and cleaning and loving my family. Beyond those 15 were scores of well-wishers, calling and asking if there was anyway they could help.

This is the part I thought some might not like, the folks who don't want to read anything about the story of Jesus are already out, at this point. Here is where I'm drawn back to this story of Jesus. Yes, maybe he did spontaneously generate enough seafood and bread to feed the masses. He might have, I'm not saying he didn't, I'm just saying maybe he didn't.

Maybe the people who He was teaching that day were moved enough to share what they had. They might not have been at first before they met Him. Maybe they had the food the whole time, but were unwilling to share. After listening to Jesus talk for an afternoon, they were moved to share what they had. Maybe that is a part of the miracle.

The real miracle might be that we sometimes guard what we have to give, but when we are moved in love to give, like my friends and family, we can move mountains, or a family of 4 across town.

Thank you all so much for letting miraculous things happen, and being a part of the mystery!

Moving Day

I have more to say about the weekend that we moved, besides these photos.  The weekend was profound for me for several reasons, and I'll organize my thoughts enough to write something.

Now that it has been a week and almost all the boxes are unpacked, I have time to post a few photos.

You Can Take it With You

For sure, these next few days will be bitter-sweet.  I am excited about an adventure, a new location, and a new budget.  I know moving across town isn't super adventurous when your town has a population of 12,000.  I know this because every move we have made in the last 15 years, has been to another state, across the country, with a newborn, or with absolutely no money.
The bitter part is leaving one adventure, a place we purposefully set ourselves down, for another.  This will be the last Sunday I live in this house, and I like this house.  I'm not complaining, but I am feeling sentimental.  If had to leave here because of some fantastic reason or because our house burned down, I would still be feeling sentimental.  Moving because of a short-sale falls somewhere between the two.
The sweet parts of leaving are my memories, and I can have those if I stayed as well.  I'm going to let myself feel tender about it, blog about it, then let it go.  It feels hard, but as it should be.  I'm sure this next week will be strenuous and busy enough that I won't have time to feel anymore about it.

I'm Not Trendy

Watch CBS News Videos Online

Here is a segment from 60 Minutes.  It really just explains more of the same featured in my previous posts.  I feel it is pretty balanced, not making the banks look like terrorists, nor the short-sellers like snakes.  I find it interesting how the media, and therefor 'the whole world' sees our situation.  In a way it is inflammatory.  Since I don't have television, it seems amazing that my choices, made independently of news media, is trendy.
I am anything but trendy.  I wore/wear hand-me-downs and thrift-store clothing.  I sew.  I drink tea.  I like eggplant, pate', and liver.  I don't use a credit card.  I don't like ice cream.  I like square-toed shoes, and staying on dry land.  I'm shy.  If it is a trend, I either am a late to the party (facebook, cell phones, tattoos, running), or was doing it before it was trendy (recycling- really that's all on this list).
This week, as we say goodbye to this house that was our home, I don't feel trendy.  I don't think something that is hard, is likely to be trendy.
I know that paying a mortgage is hard, because it costs money and time, and sometimes too much money, and too much time.  We were faced with the hard choice of doing nothing and living with an unfortunate situation, or being very proactive, and facing the hard task of getting out of a unfortunate situation.  As I tape up boxes of our belongings, it doesn't feel like a trend that is newsworthy.  CBS can't express the tenderness I'm feeling.

And The Winner Is....

This is me.  Clearly.  This is a stack of realtor cards.  If you have never sold a house, or bought a house, you might not know about this, but every time a realtor shows a house, they leave a card.
I kept a dish by the front door, and if you count, 50 realtors showed our house. 50!!!!!  Think about that.  Each one brought with them 2-5 potential buyers with them.  In three months, we had over 150 house guests?  How happy would I be if all of them brought me some nice dark chocolate, and laid it in the dish, instead of card stock?
Did I clean my house to perfection?  You bet I did.  Did I need to? Absolutely not, but I wanted to.  Now, my house is 70% in boxes, and it is hard to tell if it is a mess, or if I am moving.  It is probably both.  This morning after I got the kids out the door, I took a nap!  After this, I'm putting all my fabric into clear plastic bins, so I can see in, and get organized!  After that?  I might fill a box with kid-closet stuff.  This is not the glamourous part of a short-sale, and come to think of it, none of it is too appealing.  I know cable TV shows try to make getting organized, home sales, and yard work alluring, but still it is just dusty, dirt and hard work.
The top card is the realtor who's clients are buying our house.

Dump Run

At this point the ethics, principles, and possibilities in regards to our underwater mortgage have been reduced to this:  elbow grease.

Also, in other news, we do not have a place to live, unless we move in with the folks.  We do have 3 whole weeks to procure housing for ourselves, our children, two dogs, ferrel cat, and broken-down VW Vanagon.  I'm feeling the heat, from the busy end-of-school activities, including overnight camping trips, quilt making, 2 plays, gymnastics practice, dentist appointments, rental acquisition, box-packing, and then just stuff like breathing.

I Love Citi!

Subject: BROWN SS APPROVAL 124 DEER PARK


MAKE SURE FULL ARMS LENGTH, FINAL SIGNED HUD AND WIRE CONFIRMATION COME
STRAIGHT TO ME UPON CLOSING TO EMAIL OR FAX 866 421 4408

I know that my frustration with my inability to break through to some sort of resolution personally with Citimortgage might have jaded my former posts. With a lot of help from an experienced realtor, a patient buyer, and a full moon, we received some good news today.

Chatting with an old friend (he was kind), I was struck at how jaded and judgmental I was feeling towards an institution. What a waste of time. Today I am grateful that Citi didn't take its time approving our short sale. We will move by June 4th, unless something changes. Nothing is a sure thing.

It is amazing how one can be lead by her feelings!   Today, I feel fine, like I weathered a small storm. Thinking about it, nothing has changed.

Now, to find some boxes, a place to live, and a new plan.

I'm Super Helpful

I have been researching the state of real estate, for this blog, and to squelch my ignorance on the subject.  There are so many differing opinions.  One day I'm sure that the dire situation of our nation is directly because Silas and Tyson stopped paying our mortgage (your house is worth less because mine is being short-sale-d, the lender won't talk to you cause I'm on hold on the other line, I don't have a hardship, the stock market is down because I have a toxic loan with Citi).  Then the next day I'll read something strictly the opposite!  Let me explain the latter.


Consumer spending is up. Consumer spending is the driving force of our economy.  This is seemingly positive news.  You can read that article here.  Unemployment is up, savings is at an all-time low, consumer debt is at an all-time high, millions of home owners are in foreclosure, and millions more are delinquent on the mortgage or underwater.  Why are more people buying more stuff, if things are getting worse?  The claim is that freed-up cash from delinquent mortgage payments are making their way to the cash register.


Consumer spending is a HUGE part of our economy.  It actually hurts my head to think that upwards of 72% of our economy is used on buying stuff.  Consumer spending is the discretionary money people used on discretionary things.  They are: clothing, electronics, recreation, household goods, alcohol.  I'll bet you have already figured that we spend the most of any country.  This is a chart to see how we rate compared to others.  Most people in the world have to spend most of the money they earn on housing, food, and health care.  We are fortunate to have the luxury of so much extra.  We have made our luxury a driving force for our system of stability.  I digress, on to how helpful I really am....

I really like being a helpful and useful person.  It is satisfying, and who I am. At the same time, I'll admit I don't buy much stuff.  I'm super frugal.  Even if I have money, I don't want to spend it, or don't want the stuff you can get with money.  I am sure I don't spend 72% of our budget on consumer goods (positive, actually).  I'll admit it might even be a problem for me.  Sometimes I don't buy something I need, because I am (I'll just say it) cheap.  The only exception is if I can spend money on someone else, I'll make an exception for you.  Could spending money be useful, or even benevolent?

In the past week I realized that spending money we aren't paying for our mortgage, might free us from 'economy-wrecker-purgatory'.

So far, since we stopped paying our mortgage, I have bought several things.  I'm now wondering if I did it because I have some extra money.  Did I buy a few extras because I knew it wouldn't impact my budget?  I'll list the consumer things I got: 3 new shirts, 1 pair of shorts, pants for my husband, summer sandals for my kids, 4 movie tickets during spring break.   I scour for the 75% off stuff (and no, not 75% off at Neiman Marcus) and try to get only what we need (need being relative).  Maybe we went out to eat 5 times extra since we stopped paying, but mostly we eat at home.  Maybe I got those sandals a month earlier than usual from Ross.  Maybe I wouldn't have taken my kids to the 3-D movie. 

I guess all I have to say is: 

Your Welcome

P.S.   Please know that this is in jest.  I understand that so many are really suffering from the demise of our economy, real people with children, and bills.  I think it is despicable that spending cash on expendables could bolster economic indicators and make us feels as if we are all 'okay'.  I still see so many out of work, and living on credit cards, and losing their house.   The irony of this is that we feel we are collectively helping, by buying an MP3 player and an extra six pack.

Catching Up

I went out of town for a week, and didn't blog, and tried to think about other things for a bit.

After 3 month on the market so far, and 50 realtor visits, someone made an offer on our house today.  Also, foreclosure proceedings should start soon, as we will be 90 days late in a few days.  It is a race to see if we can short sale our house, or the bank will foreclose.  We are skeptical that we will be able to short sale our house, as we are in no need.  The bank will have the final say.

An offer gives us a time line:  90ish days.  I hope the folks who made the offer have the patience of Job, and don't mind being disappointed if the bank declines.  If they can stand the heat, they will have a value-price dwelling!

I'm excited to think of renting as I am up for a change.  A friend even offered me a plot in her garden, so I can still have that!  I am trying to have hope and integrity.  An offer, or even any sort of movement makes that easier.

The news has been FULL of reports about our situation, and others like us.  Here is a clip from a morning show.  It is kinda a downer, so think about a cool trip to the zoo when you were a kid after you are done.  Let's not take ourselves too seriously.



I don't have TV, but folks are passing stuff my way.   Thanks so much!

I Lost on Jeopardy

I have been learning more than I ever thought I would about the world of real estate, lending, and borrowing.  As I have previously posted, what I have learned up to this point is nearly nothing, compared to the vast amount of knowledge there is to know.

The other day, my dad was talking about derivatives which is not real estate, but finance.  At some point all roads lead to finance, but I'm still confused about how real estate and finance connect (one thing at a time).  It is not important to know what derivatives are for this post, because his point is that you can count on one hand the folks who actually know what one is. (Knock yerself out at Wikipedia just to get a taste of the confusion).

I feel as if all the details there are to know about strategically defaulting on a home loan and influencing factors, is like trying to know about derivatives.  There are just so many details it is nearly a mystery.  I am trying to break it down for myself, because unlike derivatives (I think), this real estate stuff affects me.

So what is the difference between not paying my credit card debt, and not paying for my home loan?  This is something that we have had to grapple with, since we pay one, and not the other.  Like on Jeopardy, the answer is in the question.  One is consumer debt, and the other is real estate.

When I buy dinner out, or a stereo for my car with consumer credit, I've done just that, used something up. I have consumed it.  The burrito I ate 9 months ago and paid with credit, as with my stereo, are no longer of value.  The credit card company, for a price, will pay for me, until I can pay.  They do not care about the burrito after they have paid for it.  It does not have any value for me or them.  The value for the consumer is that if you want or need something now, you can pay more later.  The value for the credit company is that they, for the most part, take money hand-over-fist.

Real Estate is a bit different.  It is REAL.  When people get a loan for a house, the house itself is collateral.  It secures the loan and the signed contract sets the property as being equal to repayment of the loan (well even normally the loan is for 80% of the value of the house.. ensuring the bank can always get its value out of the property).  This is why there even exists such an option as foreclosure.  It is essentially a legal pathway to resolve the differences between a homeowners willingness/ability to pay, and the banks desire to get paid.  With consumer debt the bank "invests" in the individual, in the case of a home loan, the bank shares the risk in the collateral.  This is supposed to mean that when the property decreases in value because of the market, the bank should be just as motivated to solve the problem and keep the property afloat as the homeowner is...but because most of us think that we should keep paying out of our desire to be faithful people...the bank can afford to stall.

We have a contract, for my house, with Citi.  It is like a triangle, three sides:  lender, borrower, structure.  If Citi decides they want out of the contract, with my permission, they can give me the house.  If I want out of the contract, with permission, I could give them the deed in lieu of payment.

At this point, both Citi, and Tyson have lost money on this house because we have a contract together.  These are strange times.  It is strange that our home is a "black hole asset".  I am not going to pay for an asset, that by all accounts, will never be an investment.  I have the ability to give the real thing I am not paying for, to Citi.

I know that even my explanation of the situation is probably up for interpretation, or even wrong.  Like I said, I am just learning about something that is exceedingly confusing.  A blog is a pretty communal place, so let me know what you think.  Set me straight.  Let's let Citi worry about what a derivative is.

Reproduction vs. Debt Reduction

Last night, a representative from Citi called us at 8:15pm and didn't hang up.  I arrived home to a calm husband, having a rational conversation with someone on the phone.  I thought it was his mom, but no, it was 'Home Owner's Assistance Dept'.  Here is what I heard my husband saying on the phone,

Well, it seems that you guys have the ability to help us figure out a modification, or principle reduction, so what ever happens next, it is up to you.

What a change, not our calm-ness, but the person on the phone was seemingly helpful.  They did transfer him a few times, but in the end, there were more results when they call you, and not vice versa. If you call them, they can not help you.  If you call them and are paying your mortgage, they really can not help you.  Waiting for them to call you is hard.

We have now submitted a loan modification form that will help us be assigned a 'mortgage counselor', even though the modification they have in mind is useless to us.  This is help from the inside, instead of David cracking the egg of Goliath from the outside. Maybe they will be more helpful if there is one person, who is not haggard from the 4 million stories of despair and suffering from the borrowers.  I can pay my mortgage, so I can be calm and at ease on the phone, but many are jobless, have children dying of cancer, as well as losing their homes.  I can see that the gatekeepers at Citimortgage have to be callused individuals, and continue everyday with gate-keeping.  What a tough job!

The mystery of the mortgage industry, is much like the mystery of reproduction.  It is a learning process that, though shrouded in mystery, can end in understanding (and pain).  Though human reproduction is mysterious and miraculous, the mortgage industry is just expansive and mysterious.  In that way, the similarities end.

When I was very young, I was very confused about sex and reproduction.  I was clueless to its existence.  It was as if my mom just kept bringing home new people to live with us, and I had no idea how it was happening.  As I grew older, I learned more about the world and realized how a baby made its way into the world: it came out of women's belly-buttons (who didn't think that was how it worked for just a minute or two?).

As I grew even older, I became informed via the usual pubescent ways (I won't explain, my mom reads this).  Then I got married, and learned more, culminating at 23 years old,  and the moment my son was born.  At that point, I'd come a long way from the pre-schooler I was 20 years beforehand.

As I have been negotiating with Citimortgage, I have determined my understanding of the situation is nearly like my understanding of human sexuality and reproduction (though less rewarding and fun by a LONG stretch).  It is something to be learned about by experience, and from the inside-out.

I think that I might be age 6 in my development, having just learned that there is such a thing as a mortgage company, and suspicious there is more too it than I thought, just a few years ago.

The Details of Hope

Here are some details that we have to consider as the federal government continues to try to bail out the real estate market.

Some of the programs may apply to us.  Making Homes Affordable is a program that our lender is participating in.  We could lower our monthly payment to 31% of our income.  We were not crazy when we bought this house, and spend 32% (still in my opinion, high, but it was what a house cost).  Citi offered to lower our payment through refinancing by 1% of our monthly income, saving us close to nothing over the lifetime of our loan, as they were also willing to charge the going rate for a refi.  In several years we could have recouped the cost of modifying our loan using Make Homes Affordable, which in the end, doesn't really make our house any more affordable.

So far, the Make Homes Affordable project has helped 170,000 home owners.  This is wonderful news for those home owners.  The project was anticipated to be viable for 3-4 MILLION home owners initially.  People with more expertise than me, are estimating that 5% of the 3 millions folks will actually get a loan modification using this program.  I actually could be one of those 170,000 homeowners, but it wasn't a savings for us.

This is why last week I was a bit excited about new programs being formed to help even more underwater and unemployed home owners.  There are many details.  The main deal is that we would need to get current to salvage our credit score.  In the case that we did get current, our principle could be reduced 15% per year we have been paying.  This is equal to the dive the market took.  It would make our house affordable.

After the excitement of the new announcement wore off, I started thinking.  Which federal assistance program adopted in the last 2 years has been really effective?  Which one has offered real assistance to me, my neighbors, small businesses, corporations, the stock market, etc.  If we were able to participate, or our lender is participating, the only difference between a federally funded principle reduction and a short-sale, would be my credit score, the taxes owed to the state of California, and my proximity.  Are those things that I want to leave in the hands of the government and the lender?  Do I really want to wait and hope on these institutions to resolve the situation?

For now, my answer is no.  I'll jump through their hoops if they put them out for me, but the track record is pretty bad.

Beauty and the Beast: The Last Rose Petal

I got a rose as a gift several years ago.  I put it in a pot, and not the ground because I have trouble committing.  It blooms dozens of tiny brilliant roses.  Some summers I can get it to bloom twice.  Early this year I moved it indoors to our garden room.  It pushed out, and then thousands of aphids attacked.  I started killing those little killers with glycerine, and soap, and bodily pulling them off.  There were too many to get rid of, and the photo you see proves it.  They really devastated the whole plant (it is not exactly dead).  I put a lot of time and effort into what was once a beautiful plant.

I have another rose nearby, and it is pest-free, and blooming.  Asking advice from a friend, he said something that I had forgotten in my forceful attempt to kill the pests.  If aphids are only attacking one plant, then the plant is compromised in some other way and the bugs are just responding.  Another example is the lion killing the sick wildebeest, and the  healthy ones escape.  It seems a natural order.  For some reason I thought I was independent from the natural order.

My friend's advice gave me permission to take the rose out of the pot, and put a healthy one in.  My usual way, is to work, and work, and work, even if the results are bad.  Sometimes I can do this ad nauseam.  I also need to point out, that some things are worth working yourself to death for, but most are not.  I am learning the difference.

When I took the rose out and looked carefully, the roots were moldy.  I could have continued on my path, but in the end the pests weren't the problem.  I pruned the rose back to the quick, dug it a new hole, filled it with compost, and put the plant in the readied hole.  It was 5 times easier than picking off the aphids one-by-one.  It still may not survive, but at least it has some chance. 

In relation to my mortgage and housing situation:

If I do nothing but what I'm doing until I'm 60 I'll own this house.  Though things are excellent now, life is dynamic.  If ANYTHING changes for us we will be stuck tending what was once a beautiful thing.  By 'stuck', I  mean trapped.  I doubt  my life will continue on just as it is for the next 30 years.  Let's look at some reasonable scenarios that I am stuck with in case of life altering events, such as moving, job changes, home upkeep and repair,  illness, college tuition, California falling into the Pacific ( I threw that last one in to see if you were paying attention).  If the real-estate market had continued to be a profitable venture after we bought our house, none of these would influence us so radically.  Just imagine:

I might have to move in the next 30 years before I have paid off my house, but alas, I would not be willing.  If we did move we would have to pay for this house, and pay to live in another, because I would NEVER sell this house for a profit.  I would never sell my house and give the lender the difference.  

I would be so opposed to selling short or foreclosing that I would pay no matter what.  I would be so opposed to paying for 2 houses, that I would never move, and I would pressure my husband to make a huge salary, or find a bad job at high pay, even if he is miserable, so that I would not have to sell short or move.  

I could lay awake at night and worry about my young handsome husband dying early.  Not because I love him dearly and would miss his pun-ny jokes, but because without his salary, I could not live in this house.  Because of when we bought our house, we have to live in this house.  

I could imagine myself getting a job teaching school to make the mortgage at all costs, and then I think of more that 20,000 more qualified teachers than myself, being laid off by the state of California just this month.  Every one of those teachers has a story just like mine, they have a family, and a mortgage too!  Even if I did get a teaching job, and I have this modest house, a teacher salary would not pay the mortgage.  I could get a job in another field, but I have no skills, as I have been tending to my children for the last 10 years, so I would have to go to a University.  We don't have a university in our town (which I HAVE to live in) and I have maxed out my community college credit limit, so I would have to drive to Sacramento, or do classes on line.  That is do-able, but not when the first of the month just keeps coming, my husband is miserable, my kids are nearing high school graduation and college tuition themselves.

I have had to change.  I have had to stop pushing ahead without results.  I have had to stop feeling under the influence of hard economic times, as a victim.  I have had to stop actually caring about what everyone thinks.  I've stopped worrying (for the most part) that people will see my 'pests', and in the end the plant will die regardless of my actions.  I have had to stop being distracted by the symptoms of the problem, and reviewed the cause.  As it turns out, I have little influence on both.

I guess I have decided not to do that to myself, and my family.  I choose not to be trapped when I can, not to be afraid, and not wait for that last petal to fall off a dying rosebush.  I choose to love my husband for who he is, not for what he can do for me.  I know that terrible things will happen to me in-which I have no choice.  I choose for my house not to be one of them.  I think now is the time for damage control.

Stumbling Into Controversy

I've really opened myself up to criticism this week.  If you say you are going "this way", there is someone out there who is willing to sabotage you.  I don't think that anyone intends to be that way, it is just the way we are.  I say, "Time for bed", my kid says: why?, I need a good reason, I need a bathroom, I'm hungry, but you said..., do we haaaaaveee tooooo?  We do it as adults, we just utilize our frontal lobes more.

Yesterday the federal government started working towards some changes in regards to under-water mortgages that may affect us.  I heard about it all day!!  Here is one opinion you can check out if you are interested:

The Ethics of Mortgage Modification

I'm interested in what people think about it, I really am.  By putting that out there, I get that I am continuing to ask for it.

Dyson People vs. Lending People

My vacuum broke in the feverish cleaning that has been going on at our house.  I vacuumed up the tassels on a rug, and then the belt broke, but only after a week of a terrible noise that scared even the neighbors.

I got on the Dyson (I only buy appliances that rhyme with my name, it makes it kinda tough) website to attempt to order a part, or find where I could buy parts.  Online, they had a number I could call if I needed assistance.  It was easy.  

The lady on the phone told me I didn't need a new beater-bar, or anything too fancy, I just needed a new belt, and she was sure that the noise would stop, and the problem would be solved.  I asked where I could buy a part, as we are rather rural and don't have tons of retail options.  She didn't answer, but asked my address.  I gave it to her, and she told me she was sending me a new belt in an act of good faith.

I was dumbfounded.  I was gushing.  I was thankful.  Maybe overly thankful for a small piece of rubber and free shipping.  I have been desensitized to human kindness and corporate kindness.  I guess I didn't expect that calling Dyson on the phone would help me in any way towards fixing my problem.  I have become so used to long wait times, adds about mortgages instead of elevator music,  and scripted denials and responses.

I wonder what would happen if Citimortgage was as helpful and the vacuum people?

Not a Through Toad

Last night I used the World Wide Web to learn what is out there about strategic defaults.  I shouldn't have.  I know that all signs point to the fact that we are making sound financial choices for our family.  It is easy to have a chart and a graph to point the way, but there is more.

Looking at the opinions of so many last night, I felt insecure and judged.  As I drug myself to the bed, I was sure that the collapse of the financial institutions and real estate market was nearly all my fault, and that I am only contributing to the demise of our collective security as a country.

I also was struck by the ability for so many to find moral fault with what we are doing, but not so much with the financial institution so unwilling to work with me, also strategically defaulting on their investments.  They short sale their stock, give high rise buildings back to the lenders, and beg the government for mercy.  Some were harsh, saying those who are defaulting are trying to 'stick it to the banks'.  I am not trying to do that, I am trying to start over.

This morning, as I am rested and have had coffee, I can be reflective.  There are so many points of view about the demise of the real estate market.  The real fact is, no one knows the future.  The angry folks who are judging may have more problems than just the bad real estate market.  Scaring me into making my mortgage payment is a lie.  Shaming me into paying my mortgage is wrong.  I am skeptical when anyone wants to persuade me with fear and shame.  Who does't have doubts and fears about their choices and future?

Though I am daily reflecting about what we are doing on this blog, and am going to toot my own horn in writing, the fact is, I'm not sure of what we are doing.  What I am sure of, is that I don't want to live my life in fear, and I don't want to tell myself "you shoulda....." in the future.

I would rather have some doubts about my future, than imprisoned by my future.

Dear CitiMortgage Customer (s):

We are extremely concerned that your mortgage account has not been kept current.  If this situation is not corrected soon, you could lose your home through acceleration of the mortgage and foreclosure....

You do have options.  We would like to speak with you....

Without talking to you, we cannot help....

......Call immediately so that we can begin working toward a reasonable solution to this problem.

Sincerely, 

Collections CitiMortgage

Here are some excerpts from a letter mailed to us on the 15th of March.  I have some problems with this letter.  My first problem is "acceleration of the mortgage".  I looked this term up because I thought I knew what it meant, but I saw it in this paragraph and figured I was wrong.

I assumed that 'accelerated mortgage' was paying your mortgage bi-weekly or adding payments to speed up the completion of paying a home loan as the phrase suggests.  As we are no longer making any payments, how could we lose our home if we pay our loan at an accelerated rate?  As some smarty-lawyer wrote and approved of this letter, I am assuming I do not understand 'accelerated mortgage'.

Also, I am surprised by the lender's concern for us.  This letter seems so personal, with words like 'help' and that they want to speak to us. If the bank really did care about people, and relationships, that would be personal. The personal part of this matter are the people who live in my house.  Their attempts to be reasonable so far, have been very impersonal: every time I call, I talk to a different person who transfers me to another person, they monitor my calls, they call and hang up, they send me seemingly personal letters to appear like the bottom line isn't cash. Could an international financial group ever be personal?

I did call them in regards to this letter, and they refused to help make our house affordable, for the 67th time (that number may be hyperbole)!  This letter makes it seem that I have been the one who has not contacted them.  I have been calling them often for a year.

This letter is subtly sneaky.  I am not going to fall for sneaky.

PS Our house is in a valley, near a creek.  These birds use this tree to scout for carrion up the hill from us.  I took a photo of them as I drove by last spring.  

Why I'll Miss My Home

Spring

I'll miss my home because of spring.

I won't miss a realtor leaving the key in an unlocked door today, unnecessarily exposing my house to the random drive-by rubberneckers, robbers and dog-nappers.

P.S.  You can't smell this tree just from a photo, which is such a shame.

Short Sale Taxes

It's tax season, and taxes are on my mind.  I think taxes are super boring, and sometimes terrible.  Before we decided to sell our house for less than we owe, we went to a real estate lawyer.  It was our hope to avoid any potentially terrible/taxable/illegal things happening that we were not ready for.  We wanted to be informed.

If we short sell our house, the difference between what we owe, and what the buyer pays is potentially and usually taxable by the federal and state governments.  This seems silly as we would never see the cash, but it is because the government sees the difference as a 'gift' from the lender.  It would be a gift to be out from under an extravagant loan.

Fortunately, George Bush made a federal tax shelter on short sale income until December 2010.  The state can tax the difference if the house is not your primary residence and you have lived in it less than 2 years.  It seems as if we are in the clear on the tax front, but nothing is a sure thing.

If we are taxed on the difference, the tax will be negligible compared to the extreme cost of the loan and house we currently live in over the lifetime of the loan, or until we could sell and make money (in 37 yrs. looking at statistics).  We are having faith that this might work out, and by faith, I mean faith with a lawyer as an angel.

Short Sale Sob Story

Here is the latest on the short sale.  There is no news.

Though the price of our house dropped $40,000 last week, and more than 8 groups of realtors and potential buyer cruised through my immaculate house (opening my closets!!) over the weekend, no offers.

In 2 weeks the price will drop again, and it will stop dropping there, I hope.  The irony here is the lower the price, the more folks come to see the joint, and the less I want to keep it clean.  Taking excellent care of something that is worth so much less than we paid is disheartening.  Also, the lower the price goes, the less likely the bank will approve of a short sale.  They want the money we owe them, and at this point, it will be a big gap they would forgive.

Today, I threw the bag I carried on my bike ride on the counter along with the mail, all the dishes are undone, and 5 days worth of clean laundry is on the couch.  I have not vacuumed in 3 days (my vacuum broke).  If a realtor calls to show it, I'll just say no.  It kinda seems that it doesn't matter.

On an up note, the longer we stay in our house, the more likely my veggies will be mine at the end of the summer.  90 days of a short sale from now would be mid-June!  A few more weeks out, and I have tomatoes in August.

Mortgage Weight Gain

Talking about your mortgage is in an area of taboo topics. The others include bathroom and bedroom habits, personal salaries and weight.  The World Wide Web is rife with taboo topics, so this post fits perfectly.  I know banking and real estate are big business, but my house is personal.  I'll pick the lesser personal topic as an analogy of my mortgage.

We need to eat, just as we need shelter.  Could you imagine if you sat down to an average, everyday breakfast, nothing fancy, just fuel to keep yourself going during the day, but there was something amiss?

It looks like a piece of toast and and egg, but you have this nagging feeling.  You have been eating this breakfast everyday for 4 years.  It is healthy, it has whole grains, protein, and you need it.  It is high in fiber, just enough fat, and seemingly, the right amount to get you to lunch.

Contributing to your doubts are 50lbs you have gained in the last 4 years.  Though this reasonable meal seem perfect, what should have 350 calories, really has 2,000 calories.  You don't feel any fuller, but the scale, and your waistline tell you differently.  The toast and egg people are telling you to eat it anyway saying you can lose the weight in 40 years.

This is a perfect analogy of me and my mortgage.  I am a sensible and reasonable person in most areas of my life, especially those 'unmentionable' areas.  Paying for this house, is thinking you are eating diet food, and actually eating everything on the McMenu.

Though the 7-8 groups of potential buyers that walked through my house this weekend made me grieve the loss of this house, I also want to get my diet back in check so that I am not a 70 year old, sick homeowner.

Rhetorical Mediocrity

I've read mediocre books where at some point in the story, the author or editor spoon feeds the reader, rather than just tell a great story.  The main character starts to ask rhetorical questions of himself such as, "Does she really love me?  How long is it going to last this time?  Should I buy a loaf of bread?" so that the reader can get into the head of the character.  It is a cheap trick, or at least I think it is, I'm not an author.  Needless to say, at this point in any book I'm frustrated!

Today as I scrubbed my kitchen for potential buyers, mopped, dusted, folded, and de-cluttered for the 30th time in as many days, I find myself asking silly questions to keep the story going, or to keep the house clean enough for perfect strangers to tromp their muddy shoes through.

"Why am I cleaning my house so much when no one really cares?  Why do I care what anyone thinks of how I keep my house, or me for that matter?  Why can't I just relax all the way about this house thing?  How did Malt-O-Meal get here?"

With the feather duster in hand this morning, I decided just to tell the story (and keep cleaning).

Also, a huge thank you to my talented friend PR Frank http://prfrank.com/ for making me a banner, so I can feel like a real blogger.

Escrow Account

I can't think of anyway to embellish the details of our escrow account.   Tax laws, interest rates and escrow are technical details that I have trouble bringing to life with words.  Let me give it a try anyway.

I called to get the money out of our escrow account the day I also turned off the not-so-easy-pay for our mortgage payment.  An escrow account is a holding tank for money that gets used for things other than paying for the house, such as insurance and taxes.  We have to keep a lot of money in the account, as our house is very expensive.

I wanted the money in the escrow account so that I could pay my taxes and insurance, in fear that the lender would use the money to pay my mortgage, or as 1/1000 of a bonus for Vikram Pandit, the CEO of Citigroup. 

Here is the deal on getting money out of escrow accounts at Citi:  If you are current on your payment, then you can get the money out.  At the time I called, I was current, but we all know how that turned out.  You can also get the money out of escrow if your house is worth 75% of what you owe on the house (loan to value ratio).  Clearly they are worried that folks like me, whose loan to value ration is 63% are a risk.

A person with a loan to value ratio of 63% might decide it is silly to pay the mortgage and want the cash out of her account.  They offered to snail-mail me some forms within 10 business days (which is really 2 weeks).  The form did arrive 2 weeks later, and it had more information on it than the lady on the phone told me, that bit about the loan to value ratio, she forgot to mention, or at least I'm letting her 'forget'.

Can I interest you in some tax law tomorrow?

Two Camps

Since I started writing this blog last Monday, it has stirred up some conversation/controversy.  I opened myself up for the conversation, and am having them at the park, in the pick-up line at school, at the grocery, on the phone, on Facebook, and at the dinner table.  There are basically two camps of folks.  

The first group are unsure of our plan.  I hope this is out of concern for our welfare and safety, as well as not knowing the preparation we put into our decision.  

The second group are curious, or have already gone through something similar.  I have heard dozens of stories about all the trouble people have gone through on behalf of their houses.

Let me assure the unsure.  We have sussed out the details as best as anyone can.  We've considered the taxes, the lender, the relator, our financial well-being, our children's college accounts, the law, our consciences.  When we do the numbers, and consider our options, we are sleeping well at night.

For those of you who have gone before us, I welcome your stories.  I can only learn from anything that you have already experienced.

Here is a book that Silas and I read, that really helped us, in an all-around kinda way.  

http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/159627042X/ref=pd_lpo_k2_dp_sr_1?pf_rd_p=486539851&pf_rd_s=lpo-top-stripe-1&pf_rd_t=201&pf_rd_i=B0006RG56U&pf_rd_m=ATVPDKIKX0DER&pf_rd_r=0ZV2NMPPT166JVG2JMQ4

Mortgage Crisis Veggie Garden

These are Glacier Tomatoes.  In a bit more than 3 months, they will be huge plants full of healthy food!!

Should I plant them in my garden?  Will I live here for the summer?

I started them anyway, trying to beat back the Dark Side, and live in the moment.

Planting these and paying my mortgage is more of a sure thing than planting these and not paying my mortgage, and yet, nothing is a sure thing.

If our house sells soon, we may/possibly/might be out in June or July.  I'm not packing yet.

Nothing New Under the Sun

Here is a famous story.  The names have been changed, but use the key below to figure it out!

Change the name servant #1 to 'Citi', and the amounts to $45 billion ($45,000,000,000).
Change the name of servant # 2 to "Average Nevada County Homeowner", and the amount to $350,000 
(Citi owes the feds 128,571 times more than the average homeowner owes Citi.)

"A king decided to square accounts with his servants. As he got under way, one servant was brought before him who had run up a debt of a hundred thousand dollars. He couldn't pay up, so the king ordered the man, along with his wife, children, and goods, to be auctioned off at the slave market.

"The poor wretch threw himself at the king's feet and begged, 'Give me a chance and I'll pay it all back.' Touched by his plea, the king let him off, erasing the debt.

"The servant was no sooner out of the room when he came upon one of his fellow servants who owed him ten dollars. He seized him by the throat and demanded, 'Pay up. Now!'

"The poor wretch threw himself down and begged, 'Give me a chance and I'll pay it all back.' But he wouldn't do it. He had him arrested and put in jail until the debt was paid. When the other servants saw this going on, they were outraged and brought a detailed report to the king.

"The king summoned the man and said, 'You evil servant! I forgave your entire debt when you begged me for mercy. Shouldn't you be compelled to be merciful to your fellow servant who asked for mercy?' The king was furious and put the screws to the man until he paid back his entire debt."

Planner's Daughter

I am the first born child in a row of three.  My dad spent his career as a planner for the county of Nevada, in California.  I think it is my lot in life to be a planner.  Sadly, I plan out of fear, and have terrible attention to detail and terrible follow through.   This is why I have Silas.  Silas has silly ideas like inventions that don't do anything useful: a compost taker-outer is a good example (to his credit, he can be imaginative, I am just more-so).  Together, we seem to be yin and yang. I have better ideas, he has the ability to make better ideas work.

Here is the timeline, in terms of planning, thus far:

2006:  Move to Nevada City, buy a modest house which we can afford, even though they are really expensive and sparse.

2008:  Replace the roof with steel, build an addition, put in a wood stove and woodshed with savings.

2009:  Pay the mortgage as housing prices drop.  We start to question the safety of our real estate investment.  We start asking questions and having ideas/hesitations.  We call our lender and ask for a modification.

Dec 2009:  Try to refinance to get a better interest rate on our home loan.  We discover in the process that we are so underwater that we can not refi without bringing more money than we have saved in our lifetime to the table. We called our lender to ask for a modification but alas, they could not help. 

Jan 2010:  Research!!  We met with our realtor, we paid for a visit with a real estate lawyer, called the lender asking again for a modification, worked the numbers on a spreadsheet for every scenario we could think of, called the lender asking for a modification, talked to folks who had dealt with modifications, talked to our parents, talked to each other, talked to friends, talked to God, talked to the lender, made check-lists, and thought about it.

Feb 2010:  Called Citi Mortgage to ask them to stop the auto pay on our mortgage account.  As it turns out, auto-pay at Citi Mortgage is like Hotel California, you can check out anytime you like, but you can never leave.  I had to get my bank to refuse the draft from my account, as Citi Mortgage does not let you stop paying your mortgage automatically in the same month as your payment is due.  It worked and we missed our first payment.

There are many things that could happen to us because of our choice to short sale our house.  We may not be able to short sale the house, and have to foreclose.  All of the outcomes are somewhat negative, even if we stay in our house.  We have been thoughtful and careful so far in our lives, and this seems more risky to some, but to us, it seems sensible.  All the numbers, for the short term and the long term, point to renting, and buying another home when our credit is good again.

We have been very open to the mortgage company being the hero in the story, we call and ask for help often.  I don't think "mortgage company" and "help" can be in the same sentence (their choice).

I know it may seem, if you started reading this blog on Monday, that we just thought of this idea this week, though we have been working on it a while.