Dream House

The 1st house we bought

Last night I was talking to a friend, who is in the middle of a housing mess, just a few skips behind us.  She  said something that made my imagination churn.  She wants to plan her life to her desires.  She is a reasonable and loving person, so her desire is to be able to pick her kids up, and drop them off at school every day (not world cruises and plastic surgery).  Her house has made it so that she isn't the mom she dreams and desires to be.  Her life is hard, because of home-ownership, and she is picturing her life the way she wants it.  It isn't selfish, in her case, it is selfless.


I wondered that for myself.  What do I want?  I have only been thinking how relieved I am to have found arsenic in the water, and not bought the house next to my parents.  (who by the way, tested their well water and it is all clear of rat poison, which I took as a favorable sign in our favor)  I realized last night, that without asking myself, "what do you really want?", I have no ambition.  I have no selfish ambition, and no selfless ambition.  I really am in denial.  


Part of getting out of the housing market was a step towards not letting my life, as much as possible, happen to me.  That is how we got into a mess partly,  in the first place.  Some of it was just bad timing, and some just blindly doing what we thought we were supposed to do.  Buy a house,  because that's 'what you do'.


On to my dream.  I would like to live in this house while my kids are growing and going to school.  I would like to clear a patch for a veggie garden, and bust a hole in every southerly facing room, so that light comes into the house from where the sun shines (it has been a long winter, and there are NO windows on the south side, it looks funny).  I would like this house to be ours, which means we would have to buy it, but I would like to buy it for a screamin' deal.  Those are my dreams, at the moment.


I think that is a good marriage of dreaming and denial.