Beauty and the Beast: The Last Rose Petal

I got a rose as a gift several years ago.  I put it in a pot, and not the ground because I have trouble committing.  It blooms dozens of tiny brilliant roses.  Some summers I can get it to bloom twice.  Early this year I moved it indoors to our garden room.  It pushed out, and then thousands of aphids attacked.  I started killing those little killers with glycerine, and soap, and bodily pulling them off.  There were too many to get rid of, and the photo you see proves it.  They really devastated the whole plant (it is not exactly dead).  I put a lot of time and effort into what was once a beautiful plant.

I have another rose nearby, and it is pest-free, and blooming.  Asking advice from a friend, he said something that I had forgotten in my forceful attempt to kill the pests.  If aphids are only attacking one plant, then the plant is compromised in some other way and the bugs are just responding.  Another example is the lion killing the sick wildebeest, and the  healthy ones escape.  It seems a natural order.  For some reason I thought I was independent from the natural order.

My friend's advice gave me permission to take the rose out of the pot, and put a healthy one in.  My usual way, is to work, and work, and work, even if the results are bad.  Sometimes I can do this ad nauseam.  I also need to point out, that some things are worth working yourself to death for, but most are not.  I am learning the difference.

When I took the rose out and looked carefully, the roots were moldy.  I could have continued on my path, but in the end the pests weren't the problem.  I pruned the rose back to the quick, dug it a new hole, filled it with compost, and put the plant in the readied hole.  It was 5 times easier than picking off the aphids one-by-one.  It still may not survive, but at least it has some chance. 

In relation to my mortgage and housing situation:

If I do nothing but what I'm doing until I'm 60 I'll own this house.  Though things are excellent now, life is dynamic.  If ANYTHING changes for us we will be stuck tending what was once a beautiful thing.  By 'stuck', I  mean trapped.  I doubt  my life will continue on just as it is for the next 30 years.  Let's look at some reasonable scenarios that I am stuck with in case of life altering events, such as moving, job changes, home upkeep and repair,  illness, college tuition, California falling into the Pacific ( I threw that last one in to see if you were paying attention).  If the real-estate market had continued to be a profitable venture after we bought our house, none of these would influence us so radically.  Just imagine:

I might have to move in the next 30 years before I have paid off my house, but alas, I would not be willing.  If we did move we would have to pay for this house, and pay to live in another, because I would NEVER sell this house for a profit.  I would never sell my house and give the lender the difference.  

I would be so opposed to selling short or foreclosing that I would pay no matter what.  I would be so opposed to paying for 2 houses, that I would never move, and I would pressure my husband to make a huge salary, or find a bad job at high pay, even if he is miserable, so that I would not have to sell short or move.  

I could lay awake at night and worry about my young handsome husband dying early.  Not because I love him dearly and would miss his pun-ny jokes, but because without his salary, I could not live in this house.  Because of when we bought our house, we have to live in this house.  

I could imagine myself getting a job teaching school to make the mortgage at all costs, and then I think of more that 20,000 more qualified teachers than myself, being laid off by the state of California just this month.  Every one of those teachers has a story just like mine, they have a family, and a mortgage too!  Even if I did get a teaching job, and I have this modest house, a teacher salary would not pay the mortgage.  I could get a job in another field, but I have no skills, as I have been tending to my children for the last 10 years, so I would have to go to a University.  We don't have a university in our town (which I HAVE to live in) and I have maxed out my community college credit limit, so I would have to drive to Sacramento, or do classes on line.  That is do-able, but not when the first of the month just keeps coming, my husband is miserable, my kids are nearing high school graduation and college tuition themselves.

I have had to change.  I have had to stop pushing ahead without results.  I have had to stop feeling under the influence of hard economic times, as a victim.  I have had to stop actually caring about what everyone thinks.  I've stopped worrying (for the most part) that people will see my 'pests', and in the end the plant will die regardless of my actions.  I have had to stop being distracted by the symptoms of the problem, and reviewed the cause.  As it turns out, I have little influence on both.

I guess I have decided not to do that to myself, and my family.  I choose not to be trapped when I can, not to be afraid, and not wait for that last petal to fall off a dying rosebush.  I choose to love my husband for who he is, not for what he can do for me.  I know that terrible things will happen to me in-which I have no choice.  I choose for my house not to be one of them.  I think now is the time for damage control.