Not a Through Toad

Last night I used the World Wide Web to learn what is out there about strategic defaults.  I shouldn't have.  I know that all signs point to the fact that we are making sound financial choices for our family.  It is easy to have a chart and a graph to point the way, but there is more.

Looking at the opinions of so many last night, I felt insecure and judged.  As I drug myself to the bed, I was sure that the collapse of the financial institutions and real estate market was nearly all my fault, and that I am only contributing to the demise of our collective security as a country.

I also was struck by the ability for so many to find moral fault with what we are doing, but not so much with the financial institution so unwilling to work with me, also strategically defaulting on their investments.  They short sale their stock, give high rise buildings back to the lenders, and beg the government for mercy.  Some were harsh, saying those who are defaulting are trying to 'stick it to the banks'.  I am not trying to do that, I am trying to start over.

This morning, as I am rested and have had coffee, I can be reflective.  There are so many points of view about the demise of the real estate market.  The real fact is, no one knows the future.  The angry folks who are judging may have more problems than just the bad real estate market.  Scaring me into making my mortgage payment is a lie.  Shaming me into paying my mortgage is wrong.  I am skeptical when anyone wants to persuade me with fear and shame.  Who does't have doubts and fears about their choices and future?

Though I am daily reflecting about what we are doing on this blog, and am going to toot my own horn in writing, the fact is, I'm not sure of what we are doing.  What I am sure of, is that I don't want to live my life in fear, and I don't want to tell myself "you shoulda....." in the future.

I would rather have some doubts about my future, than imprisoned by my future.